Love That I Only Received

Being a grown up already, when I see the little kids of angels, they look so adorable.

They look so beautiful when I see them chattering and playing together.

And while looking at them, I think back to my childhood saying to myself, ‘Oh there was some time for me when I was that little.’

According to my mom, at the age of three to four, I was full of curiosity.

What I was always saying to her was, “Mom, what’s this?”

When I didn't know something, I remember myself always askingher.

When mom taught me about an elephant or a rabbit, I was amazed mispronouncing “Elephant, Wabbit”

During school years I would ask my mom about my math homework, watching the news I would ask my mom what it was about, and even questions from my strange curiosity I would ask everything.

And mom wouldn't even complain and answered to it all.

It was so much fun and amazing listening to her answering my questions.

My mom seemed to be a person who knew everything.

But suddenly she started to say “I don’t know about that.”

At first I thought she said that just because she got tired of my questions.

So I started to complain to her saying, “Why aren't  you telling me though you know the answer!”

As time passed by, mom had hard times answering my questions, and she would rather ask me to teach her for the things she didn't know.

My mom that I thought knew everything started to become someone who didn't know anything at all.

When I was on the computer, studying, wanting to take a rest, she would ask “What’s that? How did you do that?”

I would only answer them when I was in the mood, and to most of her questions I would just ignore her saying, “I don’t know, don’t bother me.”

She would have answered ten or even hundred times for her young daughter who didn't even know about an elephant.

Then one day, I think she was disappointed from my attitude. She got angry and said, “Why are you bothered answering this one question?”

Without understanding her, I raised my voice.

After having an argument for a while,I went to my room and started to think to myself.

Maybe I was just trying to make an effort to avoid her that she was getting old.

I was just hoping for her to be a person who can answer all of the things I didn't know, hoping for her to love me and cherish me.

Since I was only accustomed to receiving love, I was very sparing giving love to my mom.

I felt so sorry that I criticized her why she couldn't understand what I was saying even though it was because her hearing has become weaker.

Why did I always think that I must always be the one receiving mom’s love?

I repent myself thinking that I might have acted this way to Heavenly Mother.

I always asked Her for good fruit, for transition, and for me to receive blessings. What did I really do for Mother who always sacrifices for me, this sinner?

Without keeping Her words for the things that I must do, when the reply for my prayer was late, I didn't look back to myself and just grumbled and complained.

Now I will become a child who gives thanks for the love that I have received from Mother. I will give Her joy by putting on practice, the love that I have received from Mother.